Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Avoiding Posting

I was talking late one night recently with my friend J. Well, it was 8:30 - that's still pretty late for us pregos! I was sitting amongst a pile of clothing, folding, sorting and the like and we were laughing. Laughing at the fact that this last pregnancy for both of us has hit hard . . . She is homebound, trying to keep her sanity and her health in tact, and I am done not being the Mama I want to be. We laughed at what this has done to our attitudes (namely we have both become grumble-monsters) and we shared the small spots where we have been finding inspiration. J has been faithful at posting on her blog about the good things each day: yummy foods she has concocted, fun times with her three kiddos out of utero, the good things about her changing body, etc. I, on the other hand, have found solace in reading other's perspectives of the good (J's, Outnumbered, and especially the ever-inspiring SouleMama). The phone call was relatively short for us (we've been known to talk MUCH longer), but it filled a spot that I didn't realize was needed.

I love having this pregnancy be shared with someone else. We are a mere two weeks apart (Lucky Duck J is two weeks ahead of me!!). Way back August, I can remember standing in J's business and laughing at how fun it would be to be pregnant together. Then it happened:) Though is has been a rough pregnancy for both of us and maybe not as blissful of a thing to share as we thought, the other night's phone call so reminded me of that happiness of sharing in this together. Of feeling the other's morning sickness. Of knowing just why she reacted to her hubby like that (cause I did earlier in the day as well). And of understanding that while this isn't the best moment in parenting for either of us, it is still a moment from which we can find encouragement.

So, while J continues to post regularly about the good things in her life, I will probably continue to post irregularly. I will however, remain a faithful reader of those who bring me inspiration to hang on to the good of each day!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

TV Has Become My Life

Wow - 32 weeks and counting. My back is much better. One Wednesday I woke up and baby had moved, so no more back pain! About a week or so later I went into early labor and and had quite a few hard contractions. We had two appointments in a week and I ended up sleeping every chance I got for the remainder of the week. Contractions lasted through this weekend (though not as hard as the ones on Tuesday). I have found myself staying at home a lot and in front of the television.

This is a pretty big switch from our normal life. Ben and I normally play games in the evenings or read together on the couch. The TV was only used as the free babysitter it should be used as:) I'm trying to give myself the freedom to embrace this time - the exhaustion, the uncomfortable body, the lack of a brain, etc. But it is hard. I am not the Mama I want to be during pregnancy. I notice it so much more this time around since Treefrog is older and will tell me when he doesn't like what's happening. He is definitely seeking attention in crazy ways (pretending to be a baby, disobeying, intentionally hurting Fish). I know many of these actions are normal 3/4 year old behavior, but it is also a reflection of how little energy I have for playing in the afternoon, or mornings for that matter!

Each day I'm starting with a simple prayer, "Help me, Jesus." I know that this is just a short season of our life and I know that God is so much bigger than my poor parenting during these nine months. Just yesterday Treefrog and I talked about how he is so lucky to have a papa here and one in Heaven who is with him all the time. He even decided to play a game with Jesus for while:) I know he is being taken care of, that he recognizes that God is with him, I just wish we could fast forward through this pregnancy to having the baby and trying to get back to "normal," whatever that will look like with three kids!