Tuesday, April 14, 2009

TV Has Become My Life

Wow - 32 weeks and counting. My back is much better. One Wednesday I woke up and baby had moved, so no more back pain! About a week or so later I went into early labor and and had quite a few hard contractions. We had two appointments in a week and I ended up sleeping every chance I got for the remainder of the week. Contractions lasted through this weekend (though not as hard as the ones on Tuesday). I have found myself staying at home a lot and in front of the television.

This is a pretty big switch from our normal life. Ben and I normally play games in the evenings or read together on the couch. The TV was only used as the free babysitter it should be used as:) I'm trying to give myself the freedom to embrace this time - the exhaustion, the uncomfortable body, the lack of a brain, etc. But it is hard. I am not the Mama I want to be during pregnancy. I notice it so much more this time around since Treefrog is older and will tell me when he doesn't like what's happening. He is definitely seeking attention in crazy ways (pretending to be a baby, disobeying, intentionally hurting Fish). I know many of these actions are normal 3/4 year old behavior, but it is also a reflection of how little energy I have for playing in the afternoon, or mornings for that matter!

Each day I'm starting with a simple prayer, "Help me, Jesus." I know that this is just a short season of our life and I know that God is so much bigger than my poor parenting during these nine months. Just yesterday Treefrog and I talked about how he is so lucky to have a papa here and one in Heaven who is with him all the time. He even decided to play a game with Jesus for while:) I know he is being taken care of, that he recognizes that God is with him, I just wish we could fast forward through this pregnancy to having the baby and trying to get back to "normal," whatever that will look like with three kids!


shinelight said...

You are doing a great job, and we are almost at the end of this pregnancy. (I love that our due ates are so close so I can say "our" pregnancy :) I never feel the same, or like the mom I want to be when I'm pregnant, I think it's a time for our kiddos to be stretched in a different way. It's also a time for us as mamas to grow (not only our bodies)but to rely on others and accept more help. Not easy! One thing that is keeping me going each day right now is: God doesn't give us anything to rely on Him less. This is another opportunity to cry to Him more, to ask for his help, and you are already doing that at the start of each day. You are awesome! We are almost done!! :) I have clothes to bring you today. Love you!

elizabeth2 said...

TV is not your life it is just a minor diversion to keep you sane. You are a great MOM, I wish I had the patients you have with your children and the calmness I see in you when you are with them in a stressful situation. Soon, I am sorry to say you will have other obstacle's to overcome, but fear not you will have the answers and courage to go on. Your have your faith and a wonderful husband.